It's funny how I have an expectation of stasis. I expect that my friends and lovers will always remain friends and lovers, I expect that I will always relate to people in the same way, that Ill always like the same food and so on. I'm not really sure where this comes from, because rarely do any of these things remain constant. On some level I know none of these things will stay constant, but I think a large part of me still clings to the idea of continuity because it feels so odd when things change.

Maybe the desire for things to stay the same gives us some sort of comfort. If we acknowledge that things are constantly in flux, that al of this is temporary we'll lose our minds. The relationships in our lives tell us that we really exist, give us proof that we are alive and acknowledge our presence in the greater world outside of our boxes. Recognition of our value from other people reminds us that we aren't totally insular, that there is a point to being here. When these things change it's hard to feel that point, that desire to wake up each day, to leave the house, to exist.

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A few years ago, some friends and I would make food and bring it to shows to raise money for Food Not Bombs. People at the shows really appreciated having something to eat and even began to look forward to seeing what we would bring to the next show. Having food there seemed to reinforce some sense of community, giving people something to talk to each other about. You didn't have to worry about the food being vegan or not because it always was. In some ways this all seems so much more sensible and useful to me than selling piles of records.

A couple weeks ago I went to my first hardcore show in probably about a year and was delighted to see that some kids brought food. It was really great to see that people still care enough to contribute to the scene outside of the typical records and
T-shirts.

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Is anyone out the still vegan? Maybe I've been hanging out with the wrong people, but it seems like every time I talk to someone I hear that they aren't vegan anymore. It's getting lonely. I finally live in a city where people at restaurants don't look at you like you are insane when you ask if something is vegan, but I don't know any of them.

Granted, being vegan isn't really the easiest lifestyle choice one could make, but I keep wondering how come everyone is giving it up. How do things change so much that something that seemed so vital at a certain point no longer means anything?

Sometimes things are good, and life feels short. Sometimes they aren't.